Are you desperate?
It’s fun to listen to people who have just started a brand new relationship. Everything about the person is great; they even use words like ‘soul mate.’ Five months later, the description is quite different.
I think it’s interesting how we ‘omit’ important information at the beginning of our relationships.
I have been watching one of my friends look for a mate on Plenty of Fish. At first, I felt envious; everyone she met was so caring, understanding and easy to talk to. All the relationships started the same way. Within a week, she and her latest love were inseparable and talking about moving in together. A few weeks later it was over. Whenever I ask her about how she missed the signs from the beginning, she called me a dream stealer.
Asking the tough questions isn’t all bad. First why spend time with someone who isn’t really a good fit long term? I know I love the water and could stay in it for hours. I went out with a man who was very fair, and no matter what suntan lotion he used he got terrible sunburns. He also didn’t swim that well so he certainly didn’t want to Jet Ski or para sail.
This reminds me of people who hire the wrong people for their business. They seem to like people who are like them and can only see the ‘matching’ traits. Just because the traits aren’t matching doesn’t mean it’s a bad fit. However, it’s easier to talk about it before you hire the person. If something is very important to you and your business—get it out of the way. It’s costly to hire and train a new employee—it’s even more expensive if the employee isn’t very good.
I was working with a business owner who hired, what appeared to be a capable interior designer. Unfortunately, the designer didn’t want to price the products, had trouble learning about flooring and was generally not willing to do what it took to be a good salesperson. She never thought she would have to sell the design job—she didn’t think that was her job. The employer was quite taken with the employee’s good looks and sharp credentials. Actually, I think the employer is a bit intimidated by the employee, so she might still be working.
I think whether you’re finding a mate or an employee, there are a couple of things to you might want to do.
First, have some sort of plan. Know what you’re looking for and ask questions that give you this information. If you’re looking for ‘marriage material’ it’s best to find out if the person has been married and what they liked and didn’t like about it. Asking the question about marriage during coffee will probably get you nowhere. (You have to be a bit cagier to get this answer.)
Hiring an employee can have the same pitfalls. Depending upon how desperate we have a tendency to omit certain facts and make excuses for others. (They got lost and were late for the interview. Of course, it happens to all of us. )
It’s smart to ask the employee how many times they were late on their last job. This is probably a question they never expected and might yield some interesting information.
When hiring an employee, ask the person what he/she thinks about your ‘conditions of satisfaction’; and if they have an example of when they showed those particular skills. “
You know there’s nothing worse than going to the grocery store when you’re hungry.
Associate Publisher & Director of Consumer Research